


kontrol

by gyulemon



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-04-18 02:36:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4689260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gyulemon/pseuds/gyulemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sunggyu is a singer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> idk this idea popped up talking with a friend and we thought I should actually (try) to put it into words. Hope it turned out decent.

Sunggyu woke up at 6 a.m.

He groaned, squirming around in his bed, and concluded it was impossible for him to fall asleep again. He was wide awake.

So he stood up and got dressed. Since his next schedule didn't start until five hours later, he would spend some time on his own. He wasn't allowed to do it, of course he wasn't, but seriously he didn't give a shit.

As a rock singer and one of the most popular ones in Korea, his life was very limited. No going out without managers, no dating in public neither doing drugs, and he better watch out who he hang out with. But Sunggyu was tired of it. He was tired of not being in control of his own life.

Yes, he had decided many years ago to pursue the path of a singer, an idol, and he also knew what consequences it came with.

The cold breeze hit his bare skin, making him wince slightly and close his eyes, until he adjusted himself to the weather conditions. His hoodie covered his uncombed hair and partially his forehead. His hands were inside the pockets and his favourite jeans hugged his legs, matching his new combat boots.

At that hour there weren't many people in the streets, only a few kids who walked their dogs, businessmen running hurriedly to their cars or a grandma who, like him, went out for a walk.

He sat on a park bench, swinging his legs and watching the people around him. He had been doing that for a while already, just seeing the people who passed by for even hours. He had nothing better to do in the first place, even if he was thinking about taking a hobby (maybe basketball?) he knew himself too well to know he probably wouldn't end up doing it.

Sunggyu lost track of time. It could have been just mere seconds or even hours, yet he didn't move an inch from the bench, only changing his position in it from time to time.

A not so tall man suddenly walked by, slowly, and humming loudly a song that Sunggyu recognised as the latest single of one of the most popular girl groups in kpop.

The man had black hair and hard features, with a sharp nose and plump lips. He was attractive. If Sunggyu wasn't so limited by the rules of his own world, maybe he would have asked him out.

Much to his surprise, the man sat next to him.

“Good morning.” he had a low, yet honeyed voice. Raspy but sweet. He could be a good singer if he wanted to.

“Oh, hello.” Sunggyu answered back, bowing his head slightly.

How long it had been since he had shared a simple greeting with an stranger? Not with a manager, or a mc, or another idol, or a (crazy) fan? The man seemed to be very calm sitting next to him, as if he didn't know who he was.

“Do you come here often?”

Sunggyu was even more surprised to see that the man actually insisted in talking to him.

“Yeah.” his reply was curt, so he coughed afterwards, trying to make the situation less awkward. “I usually come here whenever I have free time during mornings.”

“You must be a very busy person if you are already busy at this hour.” Sunggyu noticed how the man kept frowning his brows whenever talking to him, as an old habit from a nervous person.

“I am.” Sunggyu laughed softly.

“My name is Woohyun, by the way. How rude of me not to have introduced myself first. Nam Woohyun, nice to meet you.”

Sunggyu pressed his lips together. He could already heard his manager's voice on his head: _'don't talk to strangers, you'd never know if they are just reporters going after new gossips.'_ But he looked at the man in front of him and he didn't look like a mad reporter who would try to destroy his career. Instead, he looked as someone full of life and enjoying every little bit of it. Something that Sunggyu wasn't doing.

He had been feeling so tired and lonely for a while already, with none around him who was _really_ with him. All the people who surrounded him were there just for one reason: money. If Sunggyu slipped, they would leave, he knew that. All the girls who would approach him after his performances or music shows only wanted to get more known among the idols or mentioned in an interview; and all the sunbaes who talked to him only wanted his appearance on their varieties because he was popular and attracted audience. Which in the end meant they were just looking for money and fame.

So Sunggyu was all alone, and probably sad, yet not depressed. He still appreciated his life very much, only he wished there was something, someone, there who made him feel....alive. Who made him feel a bit less empty and a bit less sad. Watching people around him didn't heal the wound, but he fantasized with being in their shoes instead of his, and seeing (or trying to conceive) life from others' perspective made things a bit better. It was enough for him to keep going.

“My name is Kim Sunggyu.” he said, after a while, the only sound around them came from the birds on the trees or flying around the sky, and the fountain in front of them. “Nice to meet you too.”

“May I ask you why do you come here so often?” Woohyun asked, turning his body a little so he could look better at him, with one leg folded like a kid.

“Why do you care?”

“I'm just curious.” he didn't seem surprised by his sharp reply. “Why would someone so _busy_ like you spend his mornings here.”

“It makes me feel better, somehow.”

“Being here or watching the people around you?”

Sunggyu sighed.

“Both.”

They stayed silent after that. Woohyun kept fidgeting in his place, the action itself almost nerve-wracking.

“Wait a minute.”

And Woohyun left, just like that. Sunggyu frowned deeply, staring at the man's back as he walked (rather ran) across the grass, heading towards a small shop. He came back shortly after, with two cups of coffee on his hands.

“I don't know if you like coffe, though. I just picked my favourite one for us both. I hope you don't mind.”

Sunggyu wasn't really keen on the bitter taste of coffee (his life was already bitter enough, he prefered tea), but the simple and mundane action made his heart ache. How long had it been since someone had invited him to a drink just for the fun of it, just to have something to accompany their conversation with. Probably in high school, and it's been too many years already since that.

“Thank you.” he murmured, and let the bitter taste burn his throat as he drank it.

It felt nice, Sunggyu noticed. Really nice indeed.

“So you like watching unknown people around you on cold mornings.” Woohyun said, and it wasn't a question, more like a fact. “Isn't that weird?”

Sunggyu was taken aback by that.

“Is it?” his lips felt burning after drinking more coffee, and his eyes fixed on a little spot over the corner of Woohyun's upper lip. He didn't dare to clean it. “I'm just a very busy person, it's....my way of relaxing, I guess.”

“Why don't you try a hobby? Photography? Football? Dancing?”

 _Well_ , Sunggyu already had to dance. Not always, thankfully.

“I would like to. I really would. But it's just that those activities cannot satisfy me. I just feel a bit less empty watching them.”

“I used to do that too when I was in university, and very _very_ stressed.” A soft laugh accompanied his words and Sunggyu suddenly felt mesmerized. What was so nice about that man, about the way he talked, about the way he looked. “I quit, by the way. During my third year I left university. I couldn't take it anymore.”

“What did you study?”

“My major was literature.”

“Oh.” Sunggyu's lips curved into a perfect 'o'. “Why did you quit?”

“Too much stress, too much pressure. My parents wanted me to be someone I wasn't. My teachers too. And I didn't have friends, so I just felt like leaving. I don't regret it, though, I think it was the best decision I could have ever made. It helped me in many ways.”

Could Sunggyu quit his career too? Go back to his rookie days where he spent the afternoons singing at coffee shops and bars to earn some money and afford his university. Sunggyu had thought about it, but he loved music so much, the simple thought of leaving it made him feel as if his heart was being torn apart. No, Sunggyu could not live without music. It had always been there for him, and he repayed back by putting his soul and all his being in every lyrics his mouth sang.

“Don't be fooled.” Woohyun added, trying to read his thoughts. “Me leaving university doesn't mean I love literature less. I work in a library now, and I'm doing some researches on my own. I met wonderful people who are supporting me, and I'm pretty much satisfied.”

“But are you happy?” the question slipped past his lips before he could stop himself, and Sunggyu kind of regretted it afterwards. Was he asking Woohyun or was he asking himself?

Woohyun remained silent, his eyebrows impossibly close as he frowned and his fingers moving nervously.

“I don't know.” he said, in the end, letting out a loud sigh. “Am I?”

Obviously the question wasn't directed to Sunggyu but to Woohyun himself so he just waited for him to make up his mind.

“I think I am. Not as happy as I could be, of course, but happiness is not a permanent state, it's something you find in the every day little things, or in the people you spend your evenings or mornings with. More than being happy, I am pleased with my life as it is right now. And, as everyone, I have my ups and down, but I wouldn't change a thing.”

Sunggyu tried to process Woohyun's words but it was a bit hard since he kept staring at him, mesmerizing every little detail of his face and the small exposure of his neck, the way his hands won't stop moving or the way his legs were probably hurting after being so long in the same position.

He thought about what Woohyun had said. Was he happy? He didn't feel happy, he felt sad most of the time, but people could never tell. He was good at keeping his façade in front of everyone. He thought _maybe_ , and only maybe, he could put his armor down for a few seconds in front of Woohyun. It wouldn't hurt and it would be much better for him.

“I don't think I am happy, though.” his voice tone was higher than Woohyun's, and rougher due to the genre he sang in.

“You should be.” Woohyun suddenly patted his shoulder, and Sunggyu looked at him. “Just think about the little things that make your day a bit better. Think about them when you're feeling sad or about to break down. Think about them and know, _realize_ , that there are many reasons why you should keep going on.”

Sunggyu looked down and saw they had long forgotten their coffee and now it had grown cold. How long had it been since he had been with Woohyun, he wondered. He was a bit afraid to look at his watch and see he was hours late for his schedule and his phone probably had been ringing like crazy (inside his bedroom). Somehow he didn't care at all.

“I have to leave now.” Woohyun said, getting up and shaking the dust off his pants. His legs looked a bit wobbly, probably for the endless hours sitting in that hard bench. “It's been really nice meeting you, Sunggyu. I hope to see you soon again.”

“Me too.” Sunggyu replied, and never in his life he had been so sincere. “Me too.”

Sunggyu stared at the back wrapped in a red cardigan as he walked away from him. He felt as if a small weight he didn't know he was carrying had been lifted off his shoulders.

 

****

 

 

A month later, Sunggyu had begun his Asian tour. Waking up early in the mornings and going to bed late, only getting around 4 hours of sleep each day; then going to rehearsals, greeting his fans, fansign events and fanmeetings, and then the actual concerts which lasted two hours, and then going back to his hotel to have a shower and rushing towards the airport to fly to the next city on the list.

Sunggyu felt horrible after a few weeks, and he wanted to stop and cry so bad. But he put on a smile and signed some albums and sang his favourite songs and kept going on.

One night, lying on his bed and his body feeling numb after the stressful and tedious day, Sunggyu felt like giving up.

Then he remembered Woohyun. And remembered how, even if it had been only for a few hours, he had felt alive. And it made him feel a bit less sad. And a bit less tired. So he closed his eyes. And wondered if Woohyun also remembered it.

 

 


	2. the answer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there is a sequel.  
> (for my other half, ily! ♡♡)

Sunggyu almost tripped when he entered the library. That wasn't like him, though, but he was a bit nervous.

The library was actually quite small, and there weren't many people, probably because exam period had already ended and no student would like to stay there for longer than needed. There were a few shelves scattered around the place, making it had a semicircular shape. It was nice, Sunggyu liked it. He used to hate libraries with long, fathomless corridors where you could easily get lost. Instead, he preferred small, cozy places like that one.

He wasn't wearing anything covering his head, his dark brown hair tousled and bangs covering his forehead. It made him look younger, people said.

It was already autumn, the leaves falling down like pieces into place throughout the streets, turning the ground a mix of age-old green and burning red, with little flashes of brown and orange. Sunggyu liked it. Probably because it was calm and beautiful. It made him feel happy, so he cherished every detail his eyes could capture.

He put his coat on the chair and shook off his arms, his bluish shirt somewhat wrinkled.

The sound of his boots against the pavement resounded through the whole place and it made him feel anxious.

There was a man with straight black hair looking down at his table, his mind completely lost on the books he had in front of him, and the glasses on his face made him look youthful.

“Hello, Woohyun.” he greeted, fidgeting, and the man took a few seconds before looking away from his book and instead look at him. He quickly stood up when he recognized Sunggyu.

“Sunggyu?!” he exclaimed, his voice tone probably more high-pitched than he would have wanted it to. “Wow, long time no see.”

Sunggyu smiled faintly and nodded, avoiding his gaze and looking around them, at the library.

“What are you doing here?”

“I took reading as a hobby.” he replied. “A few months ago.”

“That's wonderful.” Woohyun smiled. “Are you feeling better?”

Sunggyu remained silent. Actually, he had gone to that library for something (someone) specific, but now it seemed as if words wouldn't want to come out of his mouth.

“I am feeling better indeed.” his voice was low and he noticed Woohyun moving closer to hear him properly. “In fact, I came here just to see you.”

Woohyun seemed surprised at that.

“To see me?”

“Yes.” after taking a deep breath, he dared to look straight at Woohyun's eyes. “I wanted to tell you how much your words back then affected me. How much they _helped_ me.”

Woohyun kept staring at him, unsure if he should say something or if Sunggyu was going to keep on talking.

“I looked at things from other perspective. I tried not looking for a permanent state of happiness but to take it out from the small things. It helped me to feel less sad. And less empty. I think, after so many years, I've finally found my way. So I wanted to thank you, because I'm really grateful.”

“I'm really glad to hear that, Sunggyu.” Woohyun smiled, his lips curving into a grin as bright at the sun. Sunggyu loved it. “I'm really glad.”

Sunggyu nodded, feeling a bit awkward after all he had said. It felt as if he was pouring his heart out.

“So you might see me frequently from now on. I'm planning on coming here a lot.”

Woohyun seemed pleased to hear that.

 

 

*****

 

Woohyun learned Sunggyu loved reading poetry. Poetry was like music: intense, meaningful, powerful, heartbreaking, but yet beautiful. Sunggyu was so used to read between lines on his music that now it wasn't difficult for him to understand those verses.

Sunggyu noticed that spending his days with Woohyun and reading poetry inspired him to write his own lyrics, and one day he let Woohyun listen to them.

Woohyun confessed that day, and Sunggyu was reluctant.

“But what if people find out?” he asked. “My career will be ruined.”

“It's on you, Sunggyu. Just ask yourself this: what makes you happy?”

Sunggyu thought about it.

“You.” he answered. “But music too.”

“You don't have to give up one thing to keep being with the other, you already know that.”

Sunggyu opened his mouth but the words died on the tip of his tongue, because Woohyun was right.

“Okay.” he surrendered, in the end.

And they kissed.

 

Woohyun didn't know until then that there was something missing inside of him, but now it was next to him. And he loved Sunggyu, probably as much as Sunggyu loved music. And Sunggyu loved him back, probably as much as he loved books.

So, in the end, Woohyun felt complete, and Sunggyu felt alive.

 


End file.
